the four right chords can make me cry

friends

jamie brought up the topic of how absolutely bizarre and fragile human relationships are. it really got me thinking.

i feel like i've built a glass cage around myself. it may appear to be completely transparent, but in reality, it's still a barrier. i thought that what i had was claustrophobia, but looking at the vast emptiness around me, i realise that it's really isolation that i'm afraid of.

they asked jamie what i was like before, i really wanted to know what he thought, but he was pc and evasive.

everyone spoke of it this way: a few very close friends, then good friends, then acquaintances and then the rest of the world. i have so many good friends, more than i deserve. but no one whose heart is right next to mine.

but still, the fact that there are people who have been wonderful to me and were physically next to me was undeniable. just sitting there and talking to jason, chels and jamie was really nice, we all expressed regret that the busyness of school didn't allow us to do that more often.

i don't know if i should be happy or sad.

maybe those terms are too absolute in themselves. how can they adequately even begin to describe our emotions? they are merely placeholders. for now lets just say that what i feel is "this twisty feeling on my insides, not particularly positive or negative".

posted by beckyboo @ 1:43 PM